I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
