I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
