is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
