; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
In America we eat man semen.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
