so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
