..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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