i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
