Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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