it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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