Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
