Sponge bath it is.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
wow bdsm is so cute
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
