Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
