Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
