I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
