So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize