Betty ford says i'm here all night
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize