Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
