just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
