Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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