70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
