nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize
