Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Is it because I queefed?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
