You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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