idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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