i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
