Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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