If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
