i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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