high people should be assigned attendants
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
