Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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