Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
