i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
