Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just found puke in my bra..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
