People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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