Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
