we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
