Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
