I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
