I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
