Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
