Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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