oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
