i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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