She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
