if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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