is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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