I think I died a long time ago.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
