If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
