Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
