He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
