Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
