FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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