Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize