last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
