Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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