i just google imaged poop.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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