i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
