I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Found your dick twin last night
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
What drink are we having for lunch?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize