And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
