omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
