woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
