You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
