Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
