Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize