apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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