i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She just used a chaser for red wine.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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