Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
