He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
