I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
