there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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