the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
you had me at cake vodka
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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