The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I hate all girls vehemently.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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