Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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