I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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