oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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