Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
