My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
