I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
