I feel great
I just peed on a car
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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