I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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