fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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