Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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