my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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