im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
