I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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