You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
