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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize