I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
