sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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